I have not seen you for a while but I guess I need some kind of outlet
This lack of knowing myself or the huge increase in loneliness lately has got me thinking
Am I better off on my own until I get comfortable with it? I don’t think I will slash my neck and make my shirt red with depression but I feel that I am actually depressed or am I just too used to this feeling or am I just denying it. What is this, what the fuck is happening, where are my friends? Well the friends who will stick with me in all ways possible, even when I chose to shit myself in my pants. I love my friends but I think they forget.
I thought of my boyfriend, I love him to death and i think we have taken leaps since he began law school, but I don’t know. I felt lonelier thinking that I am not really much of a loss if I don’t show up. That’s probably the advantage of being in “school” being able to find people who are willing to get butt naked as much as you do.
I want to get stupid, I want to get out of this city alone, but at the same time I want to not be lonely anymore.
This shit is so weird why is life so shallow at the same time so essential to my happiness. Why the fuck am I so existential and “deep”